(Image from Zentastic.com)

When I bought my (now gone) panelvan I’d considered painting an oldschool mural on the side, something with wild animals and scantilly clad women. Representing the local Department of Zombie Disposal would have been a much better idea and certainly in keeping with the rusted-out post-apocalyptic look of the vehicle. Instead I’ll just have to admire Shannon Larratt’s truck and keep the idea in mind while looking at getting another car.

In case you haven’t heard - Canadian and Australian mathematicians from the The Department of Mathematics at the The University of Ottawa have decided to take the mystery out of the survival promises of the human race when the dead finally have enough and decides to kill us all.

The basis of the paper is this, by creating a mathematical model of the infection rate of the classical pop-culture zombie: slow moving, cannibalistic and undead -we can project our survival rate.

We don’t do so well.

Their paper is one of several (but the only zombie related one) to be included in the 2009 Infectious Disease Modelling Research Progress book, which (according to Amazon.com), has not been released yet - but if you want to pre order a copy you can do so here.

I imagine the authors wrote this paper because they were sick and tired of the mistaken hope that people have that they can survive a zombie invasion. So when the dead actually start walking, and everyone is telling you to run - or pulling out their copies of The Zombie Survival Guide you can point to this paper and say:

“No, no, we are fucked - it’s been statistically proven. We might as well just wait here to die.”

But just how fucked are we?

The zombification model created and used is based on the SIR models for infectious diseases, with some modifications - because, unlike the measles, when you encounter a zombie you have an opportunity to cave their head in instead of becoming a zombie, reducing the effective infection rate of the infected population (ie: stop the zombies by shooting them in the head, they can’t eat you if you made them dead.)

From this infection projection model it is revealed that over a short timescale a zombie infection will result in the eradication of the human civilisation, unless dealt with quickly and severely. As the timescale increases our eventual extinction becomes more and more certain.

“In summary, a zombie outbreak is likely to lead to the collapse of civilisation, unless it is dealt with quickly.”

I’m pleased that they used the classical pop-culture zombie for their modeling, it really enforces that Hollywood’s trend of making zombies more dangerous (ie: making them faster, smarter, stronger) is really unnecessary. Everyone is still going to die anyway - whats the rush?

To read this great paper, click here.

Is there anyone, anywhere who was not forced to read Pride and Prejudice as a child?

I’m sure that you would not be able to find anyone in Australia who hasn’t read it - and I suspect that even on Lincoln Island a copy washed ashore and Harbert was forced to read and write a book report on bits of plants penned in his own blood.

That said, I enjoyed the book when it was an enforced part of my schools curriculum, and can assure you that the addition of zombies to this fiction only improves the story.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is a story about a young girl, Elizabeth, who trained in the deadly arts both in England and trips to the Orient - has her social world turned upside down by the arrival of Mr Darcy, a haughty and arrogant eligible bachelor. And Zombies.

The Meat

You wouldn’t think this story could actually work, but it does -the fusion of the epic courtship of Elizabeth and Mr Darcy set in an olde zombie overridden England results in a book which is more than a zombie book gimmick - and becomes a very an entertaining story in its own right.

There are also illustrations, fantastic old style print illustrations of important plot points during the story. These illustrations add so much to this book, they not only re-enforce important imagery but their style also immerses the reader into the time period that the book was set.

Most importantly the co-author (Seth Grahame-Smith) has also managed to retain the Free Indirect Speach used in the original book by Jane Austen, which ensures the charm and actual point of the original story remains.

The Bones

As the book retains the character and style of the original, if you found the first one hard to read - your going to have trouble making your way through this one as well.

The Taste

Get yourself a copy - because its not only a good story, but it would look great on your coffee table.