So, recently, Frog, myself and our control group of friends sat down to watch the 2008 Zombie flick - Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane. This film was described to us as “Like Snakes on a Plane only with Zombies!” so how could we resist?

The parallels between the moves are easy to see, especially since this movie is intended to be a parody, but it also manages to shine brightly with very memorable scenes, characters and plenty of brilliant, outrageous dark humour.

The Meat

Now, If I am going to be completely honest, I did not expect to enjoy this film. I expected this film to be another generic terrible Hollywood spoof/comedy genre movie, and with parody contenders such as the million Scary Movie movies - can you really blame me?

I was very surprised when I not only enjoyed the hell out of the film, but our control group of friends (who think zombies are ok, but don’t get fanatical about it like Frog and myself) enjoyed the hell out of it as well.

The Zombies are the yelling fast type which is so popular nowadays, and even saying that the zombies are depicted in their full gory, woundy and missing limby self very realistically is a mute point with the current level of skill in movie computer graphics technology - It’s still wonderful to see a zombie with its legs missing moving along using just it’s arms as feet, and its entrails dragging on the floor behind it.

And while the computer graphics portion of the movie is top-knotch, the fact that the make-up department could use some funding - actually adds a certain charm to the movie, with its over-the-top facial wounds and dark eye-shadowed zombies.

The Bones

It’s hard to pick apart a film like this, as you are unsure which parts are parody and which parts are just bad writing. For instance - is the plane supposed to be of infinite length? Is that some sort of clever joke that I just don’t get?

However, confusion aside, the film is very hard to get though at points - as seems to swing wildly from parody to serious horror leaving you a little jarred.

Plus you feel bad when you laugh at the dead nun zombie.

The Taste

Since I loved this movie, I suggest you see it and stick it out until the end, its well worth it - definitely a diamond in the rough of zombie films.

I have noticed a trend in the reviews I have read for the Zombie Strippers movie; reviewers either love this film to bits or HATE it with a passion so intense - that it is usually reserved for people who club baby seals, or those who make bad fan-fiction. These intense reactions left me wondering if the reviewers saw the same movie that I did, or if there are two copies of this movie floating around - inducing feelings of hatred or devotion in anyone interested enough to watch them. Though probably not.

For me, this film stirs a resounding emotional ‘Meh’.

However, I did enjoy watching this film because it appears that I – quite accidentally – stumbled upon the only way to watch it without feeling the need to go online and pour my disgust or admiration into an IMDB forum post.

So on the weekend, five friends and I sat down with a bottle of Vodka, Zombie Strippers - and proceeded to drink every time we saw a breast.

The Meat

Zombie Strippers delivers what it promises. If you went into the film expecting anything else apart from a movie containing zombie strippers; like: a coherent plot, good acting or a script that doesn’t feel like its written by an adolescent with an echasketch - you’re going to be sorely disappointed. It might be possible to produce a coherent script which rivals the classics AND contains stripping zombies, but I have my doubts.

The film also has one hell of a make up and computer graphics artist team; the zombies, wounds and all, look very impressive and the death scenes are particularly well done.

The Bones

The synopsis for this film is “Worldwide media sensation JENNA JAMESON and Nightmare on Elm Street’s ROBERT ENGLUND star in ZOMBIE STRIPPERS.”, notice that Jenna’s name comes first - even before the movie title… you know you’re very desperate when you’re trying to sell a film by using a porn star pornographic actress’s name like a major selling point.

This desperation really shines through when the film gets one of the actresses (I’m not going to tell you which one, but you can guess) to trot out her vagina in the first twenty minutes of the movie.

Unfortunately, it seems that Jenna gives the best acting performance of all the cast members for the entire film. Shame on you other cast members, you have been out shone by a porn-star and they are not traditionally chosen for their acting talent. I am secretly harboring the hope that these other actors were deliberately trying to act terribly so that the film would earn a place amongst the B-movie ‘so bad it’s good‘ cult classic category.

However, the truth is, no actor is going to shine with this script. This script would have made more sense if they cut it up, put it in a big hat and pulled out the order of the scenes randomly.

The Taste

When it comes right down to it, I didn’t completely hate this film: it had its funny moments, its good moments and its cringingly horrible moments.

I recommend that you see it, if only so you can say that you have - just don’t forget your friends or your vodka.

Zombie Strippers was definitely the best zombie stripper film i have ever seen.

The Meat

In this, for the lack of a better word, movie, three friends wander around aimlessly and waste time which i could have used doing something infinitely more useful and enjoyable. I see that I’m not going to be able to write this synopsis, so here is the blurb off their official website:

In ZOMBIES GONE WILD, three guys, Marty, Randy, and Leroy go on a spring break road trip in the hopes of becoming men and finding the year’s crop of spring break hotties. They get a hell of a lot more than they bargained for when the girls of their dreams become their worst nightmare. The trio ends up wishing that they were only in hell as they go on the ride of their lives! At times, startling funny and others, downright frightening, ZOMBIES GONE WILD will have the guys wishing they never went looking for some action.

The Bones

Everything about this movie is a lie, that blurb? Lies. Its not only insinuating that this movie actually has a coherent plot, but also appropriates the mistaken impression that you will actually enjoy this film - that sitting down and watching it might be something you want to do. Don’t believe it.

While i am on the topic of lies, why is there a girl with a sword on the front cover of this pile of offal? There are certainly no girls with swords in the movie itself. I would say that this offense to movies everywhere would be marginally improved if they included a girl with a sword, but, when you are dealing with cinematography of this quality - you could add a Jedi Knight fighting Superman and still not even receive as much as a raised eyebrow.

Instead of seeing this movie, i suggest you do something that is infinity more fun, like stabbing yourself repeatedly in each eyeball. The cast constantly seem surprised to see each other and if they ever saw anything resembling a script - i will eat my hand. The cinematography also looks like it has been recorded by a dead monkey (how is that even possible?).

Some movies are so bad that they are good. Snakes on a plane is a good example of this, it being a film which is considered a comedic cult classic. If Zombies Gone Wild were trying to do this here they failed miserably, and instead have produced a film which should be eternally held up as an example as how not to do it.

This is simply the worst film i have ever seen. Do not see this skid-mark of a movie unless you have to, and, if you absolutely have to see this film - close your eyes try to will yourself to death.

The Meat

You. Yes, you. Stop what you are doing right now and go find a copy of Fido. I mean it. Don’t even bother reading the rest of this review, we will all wait for you. Do not miss out.

…

Many years ago, a cloud of radiation engulfed our planet. These space particles caused the reanimation of dead bodies - Zombies! Creatures with but one destructive need, to devour the flesh of the living and so, we were forced to defend our homeland. The Zombie Wars!. Mankind pitted against legions of the unstoppable undead. But, in our darkest hour - a savior - Zomcom! Zomcom disovered that if the brain was destroyed, the zombie was destroyed, never to reanimate. And so the Zombie wars - were won!

Zomcon built security systems like the perimeter fence that surrounds our towns in a wall of protective steel. But even within the fence, danger lurked. Lingering raditation ensured that anybody who died became a zombie! And then - a breakthrough! the domestication collar. With the collar in place, the zombies desire for human flesh has been contained. Making the zombie as gentle as a household pet.

Thanks to Zomcon we can all become productive members of society. Even after we die. Zomcon a better life though containment.

…

Fido is set in a post apocalyptic society, 5 years after the Zombie wars in the 1950’s. Its a beautiful fenced community, nobody locks their door and everyone has a flower bed, a white picket fence and a domesticated Zombie slave. In this community young Timmy’s mother (played by Carrie-Anne-Moss) has just rented a new Zombie (played by Billy Connolly) from Zomcon. This zombie comes into a family with a distant father, a mother trying to hold the family together and Timmy, who is bullied at school and holds opinions of zombies which differ from the norm and changes all their lives.

The Bones

The cinematography in this movie is fantastic and the performance by Billy Connolly, who can only communicate through facial expressions, grunts and roars really brings this movie to life.

The Zombies are portrayed as your standard lurching type and although the makeup used makes the zombies look like people with skin conditions, little touches like torn mouths make a big difference.

If you are into dark comedy see this movie while you can, i highly recommend it.

So, the other day, Frog and myself got our hands on Black Sheep.

Black Sheep is a horror/comedy film directed and written by Jonathan King. This is his first film.

In Black Sheep a genetically engineered virus is released when a couple of hippies liberate a test sheep from an animal testing lab in New Zealand. These released sheep just happen to be carrying a virus which turns sheep into murderous carnivores, and men into half-men half-sheep monsters.

The film follows a group of people trying to escape from the hordes of vicious sheep.

I know what you’re thinking. “What? These sheep do not sound like Zombies? Plus, they are sheep! HOW DARE YOU?” and I understand, but this movie is getting an honorable mention because it parody’s a large number of stereotypical zombie movie scenes and we liked it.

So what did we think about Black Sheep?

Does the plot sound familiar? It should… I can’t find much about the writers intention for this film, but after watching it, it feels like this movie is written as a parody of the movie 28 days/weeks later. I write “feels” because the parody angle is not covered beyond a similarity in the plot, and the fact that sheep have been substitued for humans. I also noticed that this film is written in a similar style to Peter Jackson’s early films such as Bad Taste and Braindead.

In my opinion what has resulted is a film with ample gore, action sequences, survival suspense and the best transformation sequences that i have seen in a long time. The film is light on obvious humor and instead relies on the out-of-place humor in the sheep for terrifying zombie substitution, which works very well.

Unfortunately the film is let down by a weak ending, which came as a terrible disappointment considering the quality of the rest of the movie.

It is my recommendation that you don’t miss this film as i enjoyed it a whole lot.

I came into Black Sheep not knowing too much about it except that it contained killer sheep and ample gore. And really, sometimes I don’t need much more than that to kill an afternoon.

Maybe because of these lowered expectations I enjoyed Black Sheep a great deal. While a little lighter on the comedy than I had expected, the scenes panning across New Zealand’s green country side past a sheep with its head buried in the remains of one of its victims can’t help but be funny.

Black Sheep gets a big thumbs up from me for having what I would call possibly some of the best transformation scenes since An American Werewolf in London. This thumbs up, though, is mostly canceled out by the final five minutes of the film that play like a tacked on happy ending. Even so, I do not hesitate to recommend Black Sheep to anybody who enjoys a fun twist on an old genre.

NOTE: This review may contain spoilers. It is also stupidly large and consists only of my opinion.

I recently went to see the latest iteration of the Resident Evil movie franchise, with some friends, at the local cinema.

Boring background stuff
The Resident Evil move series is based on the Video games series of the same name. The Resident Evil games have always taken up a predominant section of my video game collection for their cool environments, mutated zombies and terrible voice acting. In the video game, you play a variety of characters, all fighting the undead and genetic abominations given unlife by an outbreak of a virus with miraculous properties. The source of this viral outbreak is the Umbrella Corporation, a bioengineering pharmaceutical company which developed the T-Virus as a Bio-Organic weapon. The T-Virus not only resurrects the dead as a mindless shambling horde but, when introduced directly to a living host, results in unpredictable mutated creatures.

Resident Evil: Extinction is the third in a series of movies which follows the narrative of Project Alice, following on from the second film where she escapes the experimentation of the Umbrella Corporation with shiny new telepathic abilities. Alice is now wandering a desert post-apocalyptic world, like many bad-ass heroes before her, such as: Mad Max and Tank Girl. But that’s ok, if an overused environment is not broke, why fix it?

So, the few human beings left now live in motorized conveys and have been stealing supplies and petrol from various small towns and truck stops. Here we begin.

Opinion
I saw this movie with five other people. Apparently I was the only person who enjoyed the entertainment which only the umbrella corporation can supply. Although I enjoyed the film, I would have enjoyed it just as much if I rented it on a rainy Saturday afternoon rather than seeing it in the cinema… but I wouldn’t…because it’s got zombies in it.

The Bad
Oh man, where do I begin?

The film was directed by Russell Mulcahy and although this is his first mainstream zombie themed film, he has brought us such gems as: Highlander II: The Quickening, The Shadow and Resurrection.

Russell… I am going to give you a couple of director hints, for free. You know, pro bono.

Blasting your audience with incredibly loud unrecognizable sounds, during a quiet scene is a very cheap method of trying to scare your audience. I’m not saying it doesn’t work, many respectable movies have used the technique; I’m saying that you shouldn’t use the technique to the exception of all other techniques. Honestly, you basted screaming noises at me, every five minutes, for the entire film. Also, on that note, zombies do not run up to someone and then scream in their face, they bite it off.

You made me consider walking out of your film, in the first ten minutes. It looked like your camera man was having a fatal heart attack. Seriously, did you get the camera man from The Chronicles of Riddick? In what world did you seriously think that the beginning scene, where it looks like the camera was dropped on the floor and then kicked around the set, and go “wow, this is brilliant!” GOD.

What is with your inconsistency with regards to killing zombies? How come, one of the major characters who, after killing a bunch of zombies with headshots, lost this ability and shot a single zombie in the back five times while it was laying on the floor munching on her friend? This was the most painful part of your film, watching your character come fresh from head shotting four zombies to unloading into distracted zombies back.

Don’t get me started to your magic box of infinite zombies. What the hell man?

The Good
This was an enjoyable film. I know it’s a little hard to believe after the points above, but even though it definitely had mind numbing moments of darkness, the action sequences were engaging, the computer graphics top notch and the zombies gory.

I also enjoyed reading more into the story of Alice and her plot thread did not disappoint.

The movie really reached back to its roots, from the foundation laid in the first film, to give you the impression that you were watching a movie based on the resident evil games. Right up to the end showdown between Alice and a horribly mutated final boss.

Brains
I’m going to be using a brain system to rate all my reviews. I understand that rating systems are very relative and entirely based on the opinion of the reviewer; so it’s up to you if you want to take it with a pinch of salt.

I will refine this review rating summary method over time and you can read the current method I am using by clicking on the review method link.

It is my hope, from this system, that I can score only the zombie related subject matter in the movie.

Engaging Portrayal of Zombies
The film, quite accurately, portrayed the zombie menace as a moaning shambling horde, which are not very effective in small numbers, but dangerously relentless as a horde. They can wait…

Not as happy with some of the running zombie spin-offs that were presented.

8 out of 10 Brains.

Correct Emotional Responses from survivors.
What the hell is with this Gun-Ho attitude? Where is the “Overconfidence is the silent killer” sub-plot? Has Claire never lead a group before?

You’re getting points for the “False hope is better than no hope” message

5 out of 10 Brains.

Fear Factor
Constant loud noises are never a substitute for good scares, or legitimate survival suspense.

2 out of 10 Brains.

Dark Humour
Unintentional humour is still humour. You will know it when you see it. “Rarrr, I can’t get the camera out of CLS mode… RAAAAAHHHGG”

4 out of 10 Brains.

Zombie Action Sequences
Really good, it does my heart good to see their little heads being shot off.

You loose points for having a main character go from magical rifle kills all zombies with a shot to the head, to, durrrrrr how do I shot gun?

7 out of 10 Brains.

Summary
Out of a possible 50 Brains, this movie scored 26 very opinionated Brains, or %52. Surprised? So am I. What does this mean? Well, this is an average zombie film. If you are in it just for the zombies menace, you can take it or leave it.

I recommend that you see this movie if you have played the Resident Evil video games, and enjoyed them. If you have to see it in the cinema, leave your non-zombiephilliac friends at home. Their constant face palms and sighing will retract from the experience.